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Experiencing refusal, especially when it occurs frequently, is far from pleasant. A publisher is turning you down, delivering a definite “Not interested.” As a writer, I am no stranger to setbacks. I commenced pitching manuscripts 50 years back, just after finishing university. Over the years, I have had two novels rejected, along with article pitches and many short stories. During the recent score of years, specializing in personal essays, the rejections have only increased. Regularly, I get a rejection frequently—amounting to more than 100 each year. Cumulatively, denials throughout my life exceed a thousand. By now, I could have a advanced degree in handling no’s.

However, is this a woe-is-me outburst? Far from it. Since, now, at seven decades plus three, I have come to terms with rejection.

In What Way Did I Achieve This?

Some context: Now, just about each individual and others has rejected me. I haven’t tracked my win-lose ratio—it would be very discouraging.

As an illustration: recently, an editor nixed 20 submissions in a row before accepting one. Back in 2016, at least 50 publishing houses vetoed my manuscript before a single one approved it. Subsequently, 25 representatives rejected a project. An editor requested that I send my work less frequently.

My Seven Stages of Setback

In my 20s, every no were painful. I felt attacked. It seemed like my creation was being turned down, but myself.

As soon as a manuscript was rejected, I would start the phases of denial:

• Initially, surprise. What went wrong? How could they be overlook my skill?
• Second, refusal to accept. Surely you’ve rejected the mistake? It has to be an mistake.
• Then, rejection of the rejection. What do they know? Who made you to decide on my work? You’re stupid and their outlet is subpar. I reject your rejection.
• After that, irritation at the rejecters, followed by frustration with me. Why would I do this to myself? Am I a martyr?
• Subsequently, pleading (often seasoned with optimism). What will it take you to recognise me as a unique writer?
• Sixth, despair. I lack skill. Additionally, I’ll never be accomplished.

I experienced this through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Excellent Examples

Of course, I was in excellent company. Stories of authors whose manuscripts was initially rejected are legion. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Virtually all writer of repute was originally turned down. Since they did persevere, then perhaps I could, too. The sports icon was cut from his youth squad. Many American leaders over the last 60 years had been defeated in campaigns. The filmmaker estimates that his movie pitch and attempt to appear were turned down 1,500 times. He said rejection as an alarm to rouse me and get going, instead of giving up,” he remarked.

Acceptance

Later, upon arriving at my later years, I achieved the final phase of setback. Peace. Now, I grasp the many reasons why someone says no. Firstly, an reviewer may have already featured a like work, or have something in the pipeline, or just be considering something along the same lines for another contributor.

Or, unfortunately, my submission is of limited interest. Or maybe the editor feels I don’t have the experience or stature to succeed. Or isn’t in the field for the content I am peddling. Or was too distracted and reviewed my work too fast to appreciate its value.

You can call it an epiphany. Everything can be turned down, and for whatever cause, and there is virtually little you can do about it. Certain reasons for rejection are always not up to you.

Manageable Factors

Others are within it. Let’s face it, my proposals may sometimes be flawed. They may lack relevance and impact, or the idea I am trying to express is not compelling enough. Alternatively I’m being too similar. Or an aspect about my writing style, especially dashes, was offensive.

The key is that, in spite of all my long career and rejection, I have succeeded in being published in many places. I’ve written two books—the initial one when I was 51, my second, a personal story, at older—and over 1,000 articles. Those pieces have featured in newspapers big and little, in diverse sources. My debut commentary appeared in my twenties—and I have now contributed to various outlets for 50 years.

Yet, no blockbusters, no book signings in bookshops, no spots on talk shows, no speeches, no prizes, no big awards, no Nobel, and no medal. But I can more readily take no at 73, because my, admittedly modest accomplishments have softened the blows of my many rejections. I can afford to be reflective about it all at this point.

Instructive Rejection

Rejection can be instructive, but provided that you pay attention to what it’s indicating. Or else, you will likely just keep seeing denial the wrong way. So what lessons have I acquired?

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